April’s Foolish writing contest: “Bring out yer Spam!”

I want your Spam Comments. Really, I do. I want to plaster them all over this page.

Bring out yer dead!

Monty Python’s Holy Grail scene: “Bring out your dead!”

Now, you might ask yourself, “why would anyone want to do that?”

Go ahead, ask. The answer is, Spam is fun! It might not taste very good, but if you approach Spam comments with the right attitude, they are deliciously entertaining.

So why shouldn’t we writers have a little fun with Spam, hold a silly competition, and revel in creative tomfoolery?

EVERYONE can play — even our judges!
  • Add your entry right here on this page in the Comments section. 
  • Use your real name or a brilliant fake name (your real email, tho, please!)
  • Link to anything you own — your blog, website, or book
  • Bring us real spam, create your own, or improvise
  • Add another spammy link in your Spam comment entry if you want to
  • Enter once, twice — up to five entries per player
  • Comment on other’s players’ Spam if you want to. Snarky is fine!
  • Some of our regular Contest Rules may also apply.

Akismet Spam note

We have a mystery judge and special prizes

No need for anonymity. My mystery judge doesn’t know any of you. He’s a talented writer of poems and short fiction, a hard-nosed critic, and a ruthless editor with a laser eye. And none of you have ever dealt with him professionally. He will bring a wonderful impartiality to judging your spamtastic entries.

I’ll have CASH and Sponsor’s prizes during the contest, prizes at the end, and bonus prizes right away.*

* If you’re a SoWrite site subscriber, watch your email for special super-secret spam bonus prize info. If you’re not signed up, you can use the blue form at the end of this post — or just ignore the bonus stuff.

Check my Twitter Feed, too, for possible bonus prize chances. I might think of something cool.

“But wait,” you say, “how can anyone judge Spam, or offer prizes for it?”

Have you read The Ancient and Honorable Art of Spam, by gamerGirrl69@wahoo.biz? Of course you haven’t, it was deleted!  Anyway, there is no “art” of Spam. No one way to get it “right” (so to speak).

So what makes a great Spam comment?

  • Poor or horrendous sentence structure
  • Made-up, inappropriate, or misspelled words
  • Misused or missing punctuation
  • Incredible topic-shifts or wildly irrelevant information
  • Accidental use of foreign words
  • Links with dubious display-link-text like “bestbuynowGucciwatches” (DON’T click that!!)
  • Adorable sucking-up compliments to the site’s host (yes, please!)

I’ll leave a real sample Spam comment as the first comment on this post, just so you can see what I’m talking about here. Check your site’s Spam folder for inspiration. Or write your own, plugging your site with delightful abandon. Short and sweet, or long and weird — whatever best expresses your personal strange brand of creativity will be fine.

So, friends, here’s your chance to let your Spam Flag fly. Won’t cost you a nickel. Might win you some cash! Add your entry or entries to Comments, just below.

Bring out yer Spam!

Please give your love and affection to our wonderful site and contest sponsors:

Mandy's Pages websiteThe Fires of Waterland by RA KukkeeWormhole Electric PublishingRocking Horse Publishing

»Link to YouTube image:  Monty Python


questionQuestions? Add them here in Comments, or contact me by email or social buttons. Want to help us rev up this silly competition? Please give this contest a Share or a Tweet. Thanks!

 

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• Invitation to SoWrite's private Critque Group

 
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Comments

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  2. Please check Twitter for my first Bonus Prize in the Spam contest. You can’t miss it. 🙂

    If no one finds the answer in the next 2 hours, I’ll add a really good hint via Twitter at that time. (Done!)

  3. Sir Jim, he left old Camelot to show up here in Spamalot,,
    We’re jousting for a leg of Spam
    So here I am, I am, I am?….http://www.incomingbytes.com

  4. Rebekah Jones says

    I found a spam post by fleftequifs

    • That’s ONE, Rebekah — and you win our first $5 bonus prize!

      Not only that, but you are one of this site’s most recent subscribers. Thank you VERY much for joining in! Do you have PayPal? If so, have you used the correct email for that account, here? If not, just shoot me a message via email.

      Great to see you here, Rebekah. You are a pro at Contests, aren’t you? 😉

      • Rebekah Jones says

        No, not a pro. 🙂 I think I just need a momentum boost. The scavenger hunt ending was a bit of a let down. Thanks for the new challenge!

        • Rebekah, didn’t you WIN that Hunt? Or did I read Megan’s announcement wrong?

          • Rebekah Jones says

            I did. I won the killer beginner prize. Just haven’t collected yet…got to contact firepole. I’ve been so busy this week. Today, I just kind of crashed; haven’t done much of anything. Maybe that’s for the best; guess I needed the rest. Tomorrow starts another week so hopefully this day of rest is just what I needed to get my biz mojo momentum going again! 🙂

          • OK, yeah, that’s right!

            You should enter the contest itself, too, Rebekah — just post something barely comprehensible. 🙂

  5. Rebekah Jones says

    and yes, you’ve got the right email. 🙂

  6. I found some spammy spam by rAnionDuern

    The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I basically thought youd have some thing fascinating to say. All I hear can be a bunch of whining about something that you simply could fix if you happen to werent too busy seeking for attention.

    • That’s TWO, Alex!

      Yup, you’ve found the one from rAnionDuern. His was one of the first I published, because it made me laugh out loud in real life; then I read it to my wife, still laughing. He earned it! 🙂

      And you’ve earned one of the $5 bonus prizes, too. Do I have your correct PayPal email address? Thanks!

  7. Oops, I was only supposed to post the author, not copy his cruddy spam. Sorry! Can’t edit the post, or I would.

  8. I’m done here for Sunday night, folks.

    We’ve had two winners of the four total Spam Comment Search bonuses, so two are still out there. One is mentioned on my Twitter feed. You can find a clue there, if you like.

    If you have questions, please leave or send them — I’ll be back Monday afternoon. BTW, I gathered up 3 more bonus prizes today! Details to come, tomorrow when I return.

    Now, it’s off to Spamalot for me. Take care, all.

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    Thanks Jim! Great idea (and fun) for a contest!

  11. 🙂 this is a great post, there is no possible way I can review the 77,720 spam comments I have

    some of the quotes are funny!

    • Wow, Lori — 77,000+ spams!

      That’s pretty incredible. Do you ever get ones that almost fool you? That’s what got me started on this. Finally had some that were written well enough to be enjoyed. You are storing all of those spams, are you? That would be one heckuva database. 🙂

  12. Oh I got a much better one than the one earlier – it came in while I was having a tooth pulled (too bad it wasn’t a brain transplant)

    tesc 789
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    184.22.35.7
    Submitted on 2013/04/08 at 7:37 am
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  14. Is this where we post? Is this over? I wrote one, do you want to hear it still?

  15. Two things I’ve realized this evening, while reading your entries:

    1. I wish I had some sort of “Like” or “LOL” buttons for Comments.
    2. I’d better be sure to check the site’s Spam folder for potentially legit entries! 🙂

  16. We still have TWO $5 bonus prizes open.

    There are 4 goofy spam comments that I’ve approved and then replied-to here on the site. All 4 were approved in the past 30 days, and I’ve replied to each one to make it clear that they are Spam. Can you find them? If you do, come back here and report the name of the “author”.

    Two are on a recent post, and two others are on an important contest Page. First found and posted = bonus earned! (See the early comments, above)

    • And I had to add this one, received today on another blog where I contribute:

      “I don’t even know how I stopped up here, but I believed this submit was great. I do not know who you’re but certainly you are going to a famous blogger for those who are not already 😉 Cheers!”

      I’m fine with that thought! 🙂

  17. This is a recent real one from my spam folder:
    FROM: faux louis vuitton…
    hlouis vuitton handbags replicabags replica now she’s got her sights on our manicured digits. The designer of sultry-quirky high heels has just released a drool…

  18. ery nice post, I definitely adore this web-site, keep on it! Indya Rocks….hahahahhaahha

  19. Jim, you’ll love this one. This is actual spam:

    r4i sdhc
    r4i-sdhc-r4-3ds-r4-dsi.webs.com x
    Submitted on 2013/04/02 at 12:06 am

    Hey administratorWhy is there a lot of comments that look a lot like spam?

  20. and this one:

    Mulberry Online…

    Helpful info. Fortunate me I found your web site unintentionally, and I’m stunned why this coincidence didn’t happened earlier! I bookmarked it….

  21. Here is my entry for the spam contest. Since my blog apparently sucks and has only very few readers, I have not found one spam comment on there I could use for inspiration. Seems even spammers can’t find it. So, I had to write my own entry.

    “HOW IS THIS Dun? It’s a thing great that I admire realy and you have your on my list two follow. They are also interested in having knowing that your a great blogger and I hope more.”

    (Shameless plug: http://www.aheepofverything.blogspot.com

    • Such lovely compliments, I’m blushing! LOL, well done, Alex!

      If you’re on Blogger, spam comments are much rarer than they are on WordPress. I doubt I’ve seen more than a dozen spams on JustCampingOut, which has had well over 50,000 views. SoWrite, on the other hand, has nearly 20,000 spams. Not sure why that is.

  22. Today’s delightful and actual spam reads as follows:

    “You should take component in a contest for among the finest blogs on the web. I will suggest this web page!”

    — I’m gonna do it! I’ve always wanted to “take component.” I think? LOL. (This is not an entry, Mystery Judge!)

  23. Rebekah and Alex have received their bonus prizes.

    Who else can find me a Spammer?
    Hint: there are 4 spam comments on one Page — and the link is in this contest announcement.

    Bring me back the author’s name and post it here. Limit 2 more, 1 per player. 🙂

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  25. Found this in the junk folder…had to post it here before deleting it:
    From David
    I am David with my sister. We are from Sierra Leone and lost our father during the political crisis in our country. Our father Mr. Michael Longo was a serving director of the Cocoa exporting board and left deposit of ($23.1) million with a bank for a foreign investment. Now we want to transfer this money to your country through your help for investment that will be under your control while we continue our education. Please reply urgently for more details as you agree with your heart to help us out in this request without betraying our trust in contacting you.
    Thanks and God Bless.
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  26. Rebekah Jones says

    Work At Home
    Kim Swartz is actually a routine mom who lost her task last year, after an not successful work quest she began beening employed on the web through home.
    I questioned her about her awesome story and she revealed her actions for effectiveness.
    Find out Exactly how she is actually doing it

    • Hey there, Rebekah!

      I met Kim Swartz once, before she lost her task. She was on a work quest at the time. I asked her, “Are you having a routine time being a mom?” And she said, “Exactly!”

      Too funny! My more recent spam comments have been pretty much unpublishable, or incredibly boring, or 20 paragraphs long. Weird. 🙂

      • Rebekah Jones says

        I posted spam and just realized we’re actually in the month of May not April. 🙂 Snow all day yesterday! Doesn’t feel much like being in May.

        • That’s fine, Rebekah — the new contest hasn’t started, so the old one “continues”. I’ll have a prize announcement later today, via email to site subscribers. Unless, of course, that email accidentally goes to their Spam folders! 🙂

  27. Rebekah Jones says

    Kim Swartz keeps showing up in my spam folder…

    Kim Swartz is a usual mum that dropped her project last yr, after an fruitless employment hunt she started operating on the net from condo.
    I talked her regarding her fantastic story and also she exposed her actions for excellence.
    Know Exactly how she is actually performing this

  28. Rebekah Jones says

    This must be Kim Swartz’s new task… 🙂

    Have you ever thought to be prosperous? Now your wishes can come true! Become your own boss and make as much money as you wish.
    Whether you are looking full-time or a part-time occupation it will be a amazing opportunity to get everything you ever wanted and only working 1-2 hours per day.
    All you need is internet connection and good will to work.

    • Hey Rebekah,

      Thanks so much for bringing Kim’s valuable message to me. Since then, I’ve been working just 1-2 hours per day to earn $1000 a week income!

      …yeah. THAT’s what I’ve been doing! -sigh- if only

  29. Hi friends,

    April is long gone, and it’s past time to award the final prizes. A message went out last week to everyone who’s subscribed to SoWrite.

    With help from my Mystery Judge, we will award two final cash prizes — one for a person who entered and one for a member who didn’t, chosen from the list of those who responded to that email message.

    I’ll return with those two prizes, here, shortly. Thanks for your patience, everyone!

  30. Hi folks — quick update:

    I saw a great response to this contest’s final email message. In fact, I heard from as many people who did not enter as did! And, not one of your replies was marked as Spam in my Inbox! 🙂

    I wish I could just give you ALL prizes, but that’s not in the budget. Sorry!

    My wife and I are just about to leave for dinner with my dad (he’s 83 and goin’ strong!). When I return, I’ll post the names of our two cash prize winners.

    See you then!

  31. Hi there players,

    I’m pleased to tell you about the two final winners for our Spam contest.

    Both were chosen from the group of subscribers who replied to my end-of-contest email with the words “This is not Spam”.

    That’s all it took to be in the running. (I wish I had a prize for Gerald Dlublala, who replied in ONE MINUTE!)

    So, here’s the scoop.

    Among those entered the contest and sent that reply, my Mystery Judge and I chose one top winner …

    Doreen Martel — $20 cash!

    And from those who didn’t enter but did reply to that email, we chose a second winner …

    Stephanie McCowan — $10 cash!

    So, to Stephanie or Doreen, congrats! (Please contact me to claim your prize via PayPal.)

    To everyone else who dropped in either way, well THANK YOU just for playing April’s silly game. It was fun and low-stress.

    Please stay tuned to learn more about May’s contest. HINT: You won’t have to write a single word!

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  1. […] here’s a solution: hop on over to SoWrite.Us and enter the SPAM contest! Let’s see how creative you can be – as for me, I’ll stay […]

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